Parents to Parents

NYChessKids could not be the success it is without the support of the many hardworking, involved parents of our players. "Parents to Parents" serves as an easy, online network for them. Carpooling to tournaments and party planning are a few of the many opportunities of a chess parent's community. As a parent, we encourage you to submit your stories of scholastic chess, so we can all help to continuously improve for the children.

Chess Parents…(by Pierre Ciric)

Our son Alexandre was very lucky. He was first introduced to chess by Saudin through PS-116 in 1999. As parents, neither of us had any particular strong history or background in chess. We progressively discovered that Alexandre was expressing a continuing interest in chess. This is also when we started to understand that Saudin was actually using the first big rule of parenting, i.e. take clues from your kids. After a few months, Alexandre expressed interest in the chess after school program, then naturally followed suit when the summer camp was announced at the Manhattan Chess Club.

A day at the summer camp would at first resemble a classroom full of kids ready to enjoy a hot day at the park with water guns and soccer balls. Then out of nowhere, a sense of order and calm erupts in the room. All kids would sit around Saudin and get attracted like magnets to a chess board where Saudin would explain positions, strategies or rules, not always obvious when one knows Saudin's strong accent …

When parents would come back to pick up kids at the end of a long day, they would tell you all about the great time they had playing chess, but also share a sense of fun at the same time. This is the winning combination you really want to see as a parent, which you fear is so rare to find and to preserve as kids grow up and manage their sense of self-esteem, respect to others, and also their sense of fun. This general sense was reinforced by pictures Saudin would put up on the Bulletin Board of the major events of the Club, like the Summer Camp or the Kasparov charity tournament.

As to the scholastic classes at the Manhattan Chess Club, you very quickly find the same atmosphere. It is hard for a 6 or 7 year old to get dressed to go out at 10AM on a Sunday morning after a long week at school. Sometimes, it is actually a struggle to get your kid to be motivated. Once that stage is passed however, again, something almost magic happens once you walk into the revolving door of the New Yorker Hotel. First, the MCC is now in a newly renovated floor, which makes it quite fun for kids to hang around. The MCC office, although quite simple, is also filled with pictures of previous chess champions. Little detail you may think, but kids do perceive that way that chess has a long history behind it. It reinforces the fact that chess is the oldest game and that kids come into a long and international tradition.

Parents can hang around in a room next door to the classroom or can leave their kids in all confidence with the MCC staff. Again, the kids are captivated throughout the exercises, computer simulations or quick games and theory courses which Saudin creates for them. The key here is that at young ages, Saudin will really improvise and tailor the structure and the content of the course to the level, the willingness and the motivation of each kid. In Alex's case, we were really concerned that after PS116, the absence of a structured chess course would make it difficult for him to continue. But Saudin's program, and the desire to preserve and perform which he transmits to kids along with the self-built motivation of these kids created the difference.

Another important element which is never emphasized enough, the role of parents. Parents do not have to be chess players or champions to be critical partners in the personal growth which your kids will experience in the game. Helping your kid with the right mix for him or her will also make a big difference. In Alex's case, what is right for him now is:

That is it in a nutshell. The most important thing for us as parents is always to maintain this delicate balance between the kid's desire for competitive situations, knowing how to handle a defeat, and also know when to walk away from the chess board and just be a kid.

Chess Parents… (by Alan Rothstein)

There are 2 good descriptions I know from a Chess parents point-of-view. Fred Waitzkin and more recently Fred Thaler have written about supporting their children, Josh and Michael, respectively. It's interesting that quite a bit of what they write about is common to myself and the other chess parents I know.

Chess is a wonderful hobby for children. Though it is extremely tough. And it isn't any easier on the parents. In fact, I think children can bounce back quicker than adults. I've been tormented for days when my child has lost games against weaker players. He gets over them pretty quickly.

Once I saw a small boy, perhaps 7 years old lose a game to an adult and come out crying to his mother. He sat on her lap and she supported and consoled him. "There's a train we can make to go home - we'll leave in a few minutes" she said to him in a warm, comforting tone. I felt so bad for the kid but her soothing "let's go home" made even me feel better about it.

"No way! I want to play the next game!" was the child's response. Tears gone, he was ready to try again. My child is learning a lot about winning, losing, sportsmanship, hard work and discipline. Maybe I can learn a little about bouncing back.

In a recent Scholastic Nationals tournament a young girl had 3 wins going into her 4th game (of 6), and it was a long one, finishing after 9P.M. One of the highest rated players in her section, she and her Dad had came to win. I saw her walk up to her Dad with a frown on her face - she had lost. From afar I saw him clench his fist and bang the table. The girl burst into tears.

When my son tells me he lost a big game that by all rights (and rating point probabilities) he should win, I feel like banging the table and saying "Damn!". I do the best to control myself. It is of course at these times that our chess children need the most support from us. Being able to control my emotions and do the best for my child regardless of what I'm feeling… more for me to learn from chess.

Encourage your children to play if they show an interest. They don't have to be the best. In fact, as they get better, they will continue to play tougher competition, so if they are the best for a little while, they will move to the next level and be challenged again.

And isn't that the way it is in your life? I'm challenged in my work environment, and continuously move to more challenging tasks. I make mistakes, sometimes blunders everyday. There are many things in life like chess.

New York City is a great place for children to play chess. Many schools have chess clubs, and compete in tournaments as teams. Start at the right level for your child. And get them some lessons first, so that they have some confidence going into their first event. If you can afford it, buy them some equipment - vinyl board, pieces, a score book. (My son once told me he enjoys chess in part because he "likes the way the pieces feel.) Those are cheap - if they start to get serious, a game clock (Chronos is one of the best) is a very special thing for a child to have, and lots of fun to use.

Look at www.nychesskids.com for info. Bring your kid to Browning, Trinity, Hunter, PS9 tournaments - they are well run, fun, and your child can play in an appropriate section with peers at his or her level, and as they get better, they will come home with trophies. And smiles.

Good luck!